he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
