I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
