i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
