I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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