I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
