I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
