What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
