How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
