The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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