Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
