the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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