she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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