I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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