He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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