I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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