I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
