Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
