I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
