I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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