My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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