Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
