yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
