i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
