matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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