I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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