What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
