If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
