She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
