when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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