; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
