i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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