I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
