don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
