I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
