I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
