Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
