It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
