there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
