ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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