Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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