you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
