I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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