Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
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no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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