It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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