anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
