I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
