Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was like eating out sand paper
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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