He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
