Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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