Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Panties = found
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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