your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
