For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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