i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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