Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize