"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize