I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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