And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
