Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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