idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
