just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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