Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
