i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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