Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
