i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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