No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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